am I careful or fearful?

^{2 Cor 5:7}We live by faith, not by sight.

A very common verse with a seemingly easy way to understand it. But I was brought to see how I have been actually living against what this "simple" verse has been telling me to. It surfaced as I was sharing with some brothers about how I am a very careful person. Careful to think ahead what the possible implications my decision would lead to. And often, if the implications end up me having to do things I do not like or do not want to face, I will shrink from making the decision. It can even be seen in the way I play games. It just goes to show how consistently "careful" I am. I then recall a decision I made when I was sec 2. I had the opportunity to appeal to go to the express stream as my results were not too bad. But I decided not to go ahead with it as I wanted to study at a easier pace, thinking that the express stream will be too "xiong" for me. A somewhat seemingly logical statement but I only now began to see the sinfulness that is packed in that decision I made 12 years ago.

Sad to say, I was and I still am living by sight and not by faith. I think about the appointments and roles that are assigned to me. If it is something I think is manageable, I will take it up. If I think I cannot do it, I will reject it or do it without much willingness. I think about relationships. I see that particular someone, I think about all the potential barriers that I have to face and that holds me back from even starting one.

On one hand, I don't think God would His children to do things without thinking, but it is how when you know that this is the biblically correct thing to do, you trust God and do it. Finally, how then can I live by faith and not by sight? It is easy to mouth it and say "I want to". But to really live it out, I think I will need a lifetime to find out the answer. But what I can and need to do now is to really stick close to what God says in His Word (even when it hurts) and continually seek godly counsel (even when it's personal) and trust that God will only give me the best in my life!