Thy Will Be Done

Can this be my prayer?

I am no longer my own, but yours. Put me to what you will, rank me with whom you will; put me to doing, put me to suffering; let me be employed for you or laid aside for you, exalted for you or brought low for you; let me be full, let me be empty; let me have all things, let me have nothing; I freely and whole-heartedly yield all things to your pleasure and disposal.

~ Prayer by John Wesley

*phew* Tall order man. But I can imagine that someone who prays and lives this out is a man who's contented and joyful in this world with loads of issues...

Ugly UGly UGLy!!!!

In 2 weeks time, I will be a certified bus driver! (Hopefully) I went to take up a course to obtain a vocational bus license with my sis after my father wanted us to. The course lasted for 1½ days, purely theory. *phew* What was interesting about the course is that all the instructors that taught us mentioned about the “un-graciousness” of the Singapore driving culture. Some examples we see on the road:

• The impatience of the driver behind a car that is dropping off a passenger. You take longer than 3 seconds; you’ll either get a horn or a stare from the driver behind.
• When someone wants to overtake you, rather than slowing down, you speed up to prevent the car from overtaking you.
• Because of our impatience, we speed and beat red lights.
• In an accident, we are more concerned about the damage done to our car than if anyone got injured.

The list can go on but this particular question struck me. The instructor asked: “Why do we not beat the red light?” And one of the answer he got was “So that the camera will not capture our car license plate and get fine + demerit points”. The class broke out in laughter. It was here that the instructor mentioned that Singaporean drivers are too self-centered. Shouldn't the reason we don’t beat the red light be because we don’t want to endanger our own lives and others? Do we not value lives more important that the fine and demerit points?

This simple example really brings out the ugliness of man. It is a sad but real situation we are experiencing here. But what’s the real problem? Is it the lack of skill or education? Or the condition of the vehicle and the roads? It is the sin of man. Impatience, wanting to have the right of way all the time, inconsideration, pride etc., it is these things that really need to be sorted out. Defensive riding and theory lessons can never change that. Only the grace of God can.

God help me be a gracious and considerate driver…

Extreme Situations Demands Extreme Measures (music is the language of the heart 9...)

Was leading the P.O.D groups this week and we were looking into what Jesus mentioned in Matt 5:27-32, where He urged the hearers to gouge out or cut off members of the body if it is causing them to sin. Of cos we know it is not to be taken literally but it is to show the extent and severity of the matter. Which reminded me that definite measures are a must, when it comes to dealing with sin and temptations in my life. Like I always wanted to have a PSP and can conjure up seemingly good reasons to justify it but I guess God reminded me that the money can be put into better use. So a definite action I will have to take is to stop looking at hardwarezone.com or gaming shops, hoping to get a good deal. The less I choose to see and think about, the less I will feel the need for it.

I am a song person and this song by Relient K then came to my mind because this is exactly what the singer is singing about. From one that uses words loosely to one that now "Bites off the tongue" (Not literally) in order to not be found saying words that will hurt people is a change that CAN happen when we choose to submit our lives to God.

BITE MY TONGUE - Relient K
I was going to spell it out in full detail
But I dropped the call before I spilled my guts
But your floor stayed clean, like my conscience will be
Cause if you heard anything, you didn't hear it from me

And I'm sweeping up the seconds that tick off the clock
And saving them for later when I'm too ticked to talk
And I need some time to search my mind
To locate the words that seem so hard to find

Sometimes I say things that
I wish I could take back
The most crucial thing I lack
Is a thing called tact
But if you're always so intently listening
Then the smartest thing to say is to tell myself not to say a thing

Yeah, I gotta keep quiet, quiet
Don't let it all come undone
Cause if I dare open my mouth
It'll just be to bite my tongue
To bite my tongue

It seems I'm always close minded with an open mouth
And the worst of me seems to come right out
But I've never broken bones with a stone or a stick
But I'll conjure up a phrase that can cut to the quick

Sometimes I say things that
I wish I could take back
Then the smartest thing to say is to tell myself

To keep quiet, quiet
Don't let it all come undone
Cause if I dare open my mouth
It'll just be to bite my tongue
I gotta keep quiet, quiet
And listen to your voice
Because the power of your words
Can repair all that I've destroyed

And when I finally do
Let it come from you
The peace of understanding grips my soul
Cause you're the reason I've
Found meaning in this life
So I'll swallow up my pride and give you control
I give it to you

Yeah, I gotta keep quiet, quiet
Don't let it all come undone
Cause if I dare open my mouth
It'll just be to bite my tongue
I gotta keep quiet, quiet
And listen to your voice
Because the power of your words
Can repair all that I've destroyed

Yeah, I gotta keep quiet, quiet
Don't let it all come undone
Cause if I dare open my mouth
It'll just be to bite my tongue
To bite my tongue

music is the language of the heart 8...

It is very comforting to know that there are Christian artists producing good music and wanting to use their talents to advance God's Kingdom. Here's one by Leeland, who's last album, entitled "Opposite Way", encouraged listeners to actually preserve in swimming against the tide though it seems difficult because Christ has enabled us to! You can read some of the true accounts and struggles here: http://www.leelandonline.com/oppositeway/

Meantime, here's the song, Opposite Way by Leeland

Opposite Way

Living in the same town
For all these years
Doing the same old things
Hanging with the same crowd
And it’s starting to get crippling
You’ve never felt in place
And you tell yourself it’s all okay
But something’s different today
You want to run the opposite way

And it seems like you’re locked in a cage
And you need to find a way of escape
When everyone is setting the pace
It’s okay to run the opposite way

The Father sent His Son down
The light of men
The cross He bore was crippling
Rejected in His own town
They couldn’t see the sun shining
He knelt in the garden and prayed
Father, let this cup pass from me
It’s not Your will for me to stay
Your will for me is the opposite way

And it seemed like He was locked in a cage
And He couldn’t find away of escape
But through the cross He conquered the grave
My Jesus ran the opposite way

Oh, and through the cross He conquered the grave
Oh, He ran the opposite way
Yeah, through the cross He conquered the grave

So you could run the opposite way

~Jack Of All Trades~

Looking back at the week that has past, I am amazed at the way God has been working in my life in equipping me with 'gifts' that I can use for His Kingdom purpose. Just from 1 TeenGames competition that had just past, I had the chance to play the role of a logistic personnel, DJ, commentator, medic, program planner, driver, encourager and almost a soccer referee. I am very thankful for all the training I was put to go through when I was younger and the opportunities I had, to go for courses and be equipped as this really helped to ease some work load/stress from my fellow colleagues.

But more than just skills, God also gave me something even more important. My colleague SMSed me at 1am one day, telling me that I may need to cover as a referee that very same day. My initial reaction was 'You got to be kidding...', as I don't really enjoy being a soccer referee and don't think I'm qualified to do so. But as I thought about it again, I decided to say 'Ok' to the request. Because I put myself in the shoes of my colleague and i know that my refusal will definitely cause him anxiety and stress. (I fully understand and appreciate this kind of situations). And this important thing is called, Willingness. Without this, I think I would have said 'No' to many other requests that came along and would have made some people's day more miserable.

I believe that these abilities and this willingness is something God gave and something that I must continue to ask God to give. The day I choose to say 'It's ok, I am happy with what I can do' or start saying 'No' to opportunities or be satisfied with where I am now, will be the day I will not be as useful as I can be for God's purpose.

So I guess my takeaway is this:
ALWAYS BE FOUND LEARNING and
ALWAYS BE FOUND WILLING.

Will You Marry Me?

I was watching a US show called 'I propose' a few days ago while waiting for an injured participant to see the doctor at Changi Hospital. I was touched and fascinated at what a guy will do to propose to his girlfriend. This particular episode showed how he went about buying the special ingredients and making her fave special pizza that cannot be found where she lived, to booking a whole ice skating rink and decorating it to look like a park with a bench, flower petals in the form of a heart shape, lamp-post, it is sooOOoo sweet. And of cos after the million dollar question was popped, there came along the family members from both side congratulating the would-be weds.

Surely a lot of planning, consideration and effort were put in. Will I do it? Haha... A lot of work leh... I might, I might not. But what I really need to do is to choose to show my love to that 'someone' for as long as I live, rather than working hard at only this one critical time and that's it. This will require even more planning, consideration and effort. But shouldn't that be the way? Eph 5:25 & 28-29a says,

25Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her,
28In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, (Context is from 5:25-33)

God commanded husbands to love their wives just as they love themselves and to the point of giving up their lives. To love as I love myself. Wouldn't that be a daily, hourly, all-the-time affair? To love to the point of death. Wouldn't that be sacrificial and require me to go out of my comfort zone for her sake?

Gotta start training for it!

~God of the O.T vs. God of the N.T~

When was the last time you got to know of a really good story line that made you give a thumbs up to the director for coming up with something so captivating and well thought through? I just experienced it this afternoon during my service. The speaker was touching on the passage Deut 23:1-25 today and the 1st verse goes like this:

1“No one whose testicles are crushed or whose male organ is cut off shall enter the assembly of the LORD.

He went on to explain that because God is a Holy God, He cannot allow something defiled and unclean, in this case a eunuch, to enter His presence. A Perfect God demands Perfection. That sounds pretty harsh doesn’t it? But before we start judging and excluding people from the Christian faith, he went on to show us another passage where the prophet Isaiah prophesized about the redemption of such people. In Isa 56:3-5 it says,

3Let not the foreigner who has joined himself to the LORD say,
“The LORD will surely separate me from his people”;
and let not the eunuch say,
“Behold, I am a dry tree.”
4For thus says the LORD:
“To the eunuchs who keep my Sabbaths,
who choose the things that please me
and hold fast my covenant,
5I will give in my house and within my walls
a monument and a name
better than sons and daughters;
I will give them an everlasting name
that shall not be cut off.

This prophecy became a reality where in Acts 8:34-38 it says, (you can read the whole story from 8:26-39)

34And the eunuch said to Philip, “About whom, I ask you, does the prophet say this, about himself or about someone else?” 35Then Philip opened his mouth, and beginning with this Scripture he told him the good news about Jesus. 36And as they were going along the road they came to some water, and the eunuch said, “See, here is water! What prevents me from being baptized?” 38And he commanded the chariot to stop, and they both went down into the water, Philip and the eunuch, and he baptized him.

Is God then a fickle-minded and inconsistent God? I say no. God is Holy. No doubt about it. But He is also a Gracious God who extends Mercy to those who call upon Him. Rather than thinking that He is inconsistent, shouldn’t it give comfort to all of us?! Because it is not just the eunuchs who are forbidden to appear before a Holy God. I don’t deserve to be in God’s assembly as well! I’m sinful, wretched, rebellious, disobedient, the list can go on and on. But because of what Christ has done, I can now enjoy being in God’s presence. Isn’t this “story line” cool? From one that is without hope, to one where hope is pronounced and finally where hope is realized, God is indeed still the same God of the Old Testament and the New Testament. On a side note, the O.T is really interesting, if we can read it in the light of the O.T. It should leave you and I in awe.

*CrRrRaaAaaAcCCcckKksss* = Siao Liao, *CrRrRaaAaaAcCCcckKksss* + OoUuuCCccHhh* = Super Siao Liao

I sprained my ankle yesterday. Super big time. Super swell. Super painful. It has been 1 year plus since I last sprained it but yesterday’s experience was like no other. As I landed my foot on another person’s feet while playing ball, I could hear the *crack* sound loud and clear. In my mind I was like, “that’s it liao”. And it is really “that’s it liao”. When I woke up in this morning, I can barely rest my weight on my left feet. I could barely walk. I limped my way to the toilet, thinking that maybe after I warm up, my feet should be fine. But it felt far from fine. I even got difficulty putting on my pants standing up. Wahahaha. *sigh* That was when I decided to go take an MC. And so for the first time in my 3 years as a staff, I am taking medical leave. *claps*

I learnt 2 things from my sprain. Thanks to this sprain, I had to make 10 different calls to inform them of my inability to turn up for meetings and arrange for people to take over. That’s how much trouble it takes when I am down. Not only that, I now have to change my dates for IPPT (which I planned to go end of this month), cancel my bike lessons and miss my Sunday basketball games. I think it pays to be healthy. I guess it’s something we all take for granted sometimes. We safely assume that so-and-so will turn up and conduct the sessions/meetings, so-and-so will be down to help out, so-and-so will be healthy and around to do what he/she planned to etc. and then become much less dependant on God. I am thankful for people like Munz could help me cover up a POD session, my sis who bothered to take care of me before going JB and those who offered to pray for me. Reminds me of this verse in Ecc 4:9-10,

9Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. 10For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up!

It’s good to be in a body of believers!

The 2nd thing I was thinking about came when the doctor told me that I would be out of action for at least 2 weeks and preferably 1 month. Then came the question I always ask myself. If God takes my limbs away, what will my response be? The thought of it is scary. But it is not impossible. I could have well fractured or broke my ankles yesterday but I am thankful to just get away with a big sprain. Will I then be able to channel my love for basketball or sports into another area where I can use it to serve God? Or will I go into depression and then choose to live a mundane/routine life? I can say all I want to say for now, but when the crunch comes, that will be the true test of my faith with God. In the meantime, may the Lord continue to strengthen my relationship with Him so that I may be able to brave the storms of life in this fallen world. (And of cos for my ankle to recover soon. Haha)

*yawnz*

Had to wake up at 0530 this morning to make my way to meet up with a Christian student at 0645 for P.O.D before he goes to school. As I sat by the park, yawning and trying to stay awake, I am amazed by the amount of human traffic that went by me as I sat there. Joggers, dog walkers, students, cyclists... Don't they want to sleep?? I can never imagine myself waking up at that UNEARTHLY hour to jog. The inertia is way too high. For that, I salute them for their discipline.

But what I was really really really amazed was the fact that the student came. I must confess I was a little skeptical when this early morning meeting was arranged by my fellow colleague. More so because, this was a street contact that he made a couple of weeks ago, why would he come? Can he even remember his face? So when I saw him come, I was amazed and ashamed of my lack of faith. What made it even more interesting was when he saw me, the first thing he said after I introduced myself to him was, "Ya, I know you." I was like stunned for a moment. That probably woke me up a little. haha. He then went on to explain that he saw me speak in his church before, but I honestly have no recollection of his face. (must be getting old, haiz) Nonetheless, it's amazing how God connects people (Maybe that's why Facebook can thrive) and works in ways that we cannot see nor fully comprehend with our finite mind. Think about it. Would you turn up for a meeting arranged by a stranger you just met? I won't, I think. But that is amazingly how God brought many of my other "brothers and sisters" to come to know Christ. Through simple invitations. What a good reminder this was for me!

Guess there's going to be more early mornings to come... :)

the beauty and complexity of life

Life is beautiful isn't it? I went to the hospital yesterday to visit my boss' new born boy (Picture on the right -->) at Mount Alvernia (Super ulu place to me lor). When i hear my boss reiterating the whole process that went thru before this little boy was born unto this earth, it was interesting. From how the boy almost end up in the toilet boy to how the doctor settled the operation in a chop chop manner, it's good education for me. Haha. And I could really sense the joy that my boss as I hear him talk. Looking at the newborn, it is amazing how this life could be formed within the mother's womb and come out the way it is. So delicate (I didn't dare to touch it), unique and beautiful is the baby and yet people still think we come from monkeys! That itself is amazing...

But it was at this moment that I also remembered something he shared with me regarding the fact that he now has a second child. Firstly is the fact that he being the second son, is not going to be able to have the 100% undivided attention and care compared to his first son. Because the truth is with the second child, everything will have to be halved between the first and second son in being a responsible parent. The second thing to be careful about when one has a second child is that in the process of taking care of the second son, the first son does not feel left out or less loved. That's complex! This thing did not come to my mind at all. (Maybe because I am so not in it at the moment) But thinking about it, it makes perfect sense. For someone who always had the undivided attention to now having to learn to share that with his sibling, it can be quite a challenge! Not handled properly, it could lead to much sibling rivalry. That's why even in the visitation yesterday, I had to make a conscious effort to talk to the first son rather then keep focusing on the newborn.

I guess that this experience, other than good education for me, it's good training for me to start doing it in my ministry, to learn to give enough time to ALL under my care. That's my responsibility.

“You are only as good as your last game”

I decided to have my usual Sunday basketball game this morning before my teaching session and today was one of those days where I didn’t “perform” (Not that I can perform very well in the 1st place). But missing a couple of fast break lay ups, under basket shots and making some defensive errors did cost the game for the rest of the team. As I received pointers from the coach, in my mind I was like “Sianz, how come so inconsistent leh? Whole life fumble and miss this kind of easy shots, next time people also won’t want to team up with me lor…” and my whole outlook was in a “It’s all my fault” pattern. Then I read this article, which put my playing back into perspective.

The tension between Christian values and sports values is summed up in the cliché “You are only as good as your last game”. Players get their identity from playing, being part of the team and performing in a way that the coach and the spectators will think well of them. Thus the player at the top of their game can easily become arrogant and base their self-worth on their good performances. The problem is that the player who kicks the rugby team to victory one week can miss the vital kicks the next week and lose the game. And what does that do to the player’s self-worth? If your self-worth is based on what people think of your performance, life will be a roller coaster.

~ Article taken from www.veritesport.org’s weekly devotional sports articles.

I guess there’s nothing wrong with being critical about my performance. In fact, I think it is necessary. Unless I evaluate or am willing to hear other people’s advice, I won’t be able to grow and learn from my mistakes. It applies in other aspects of life too. From studying to running to gaming to leading to working, I still need to perform and grow from it. But for me as a Christian, the question to ask would really be what do I base my performance on? Is it for man’s approval? Or is it for self-satisfaction? Or is it for God?

So rather than worrying about whether my performance on the court is up to the standard of those I play with and let it affect me, I should be worrying about whether in my playing, and in my whole life, God is glorified.

1 Cor 10:31So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.

GLBTQ

I learnt something new recently. That the acronym GLBTQ stands for Gays, Lesbians, Bi-sexual, Trans-sexual & Queer people. I was surprised to learn of this partly because the acronym looks catchy but more so because this whole BBR and GGR thing is now SO established! It is no longer something taboo to talk about and lived out. They even have a website with biographies and forums for the community! Even though, by God's grace, that the results from the Oct 2007, 377A Penal Code issue, the code was retained. But God knows how long this will stand. Where we live, the more established something is, the more acceptable it will be in the society. It's going to be a challenge. And I guess the best safeguard now would be to establish myself and the people around me on the firm foundation of the Word, which is an ABSOLUTE that will not change overtime.

1 Pet1:24for “All flesh is like grass and all its glory like the flower of grass. The grass withers, and the flower falls, 25but the word of the Lord remains forever.” And this word is the good news that was preached to you.

爱的教育

I don't really like that mode of teaching. But the society advocates it.

Was just hearing my bball khaki ranting over how this parent went into the school and starting pointing fingers at my friend as she was blaring over issues with the school, the teachers, how her boy was treated etc. and my friend basically shoot her back by saying, "Ai Auntie, you better keep your fingers to yourself hor!". (My friend is not really the patient kind, haha.) It then led to a series of exchanges and finally a call up to the principle's office as the auntie wrote a complaint to MOE about my friend, the very same day.

Then the bball coach who were with us chipped in saying that "Nowadays, the youth are too protected by their parents already. They think they are the kings now. You cannot anyhow scold or touch them liao." Then he went on to comment about how the primary school kids he were coaching also showed much attitude and how they complain to their parents that they don't like the coach because they did not choose them into the main squad when their attitude during training was super stink.

I recall my days of growing up. From my primary school days to my army days. How I value those times when I am scolded, punished, pushed, challenged and made to work to finally be who I am today. Sure I didn't enjoy those times but I definitely came out stronger because of the "hardships" I went through. Probably that's why it grips my heart when the people and students I work with cannot take a little rebuke and a little hardship. If you are too harsh on them, they will think that you are insensitive and "run away" from you. If you are too nice to them, they will "eat" you up and be very comfortable with where they are, even though it is not good for them.

But as much as I don't buy the "爱的教育" style, the Bible does speak about love.

1 Cor 13:4Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant 5or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; 6it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. 7Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

So I guess it's going to take me a lifetime to find a balance between loving someone and training someone.