wat are you sold out for?

A fellow colleague of mine recently shared with me this reality.

"Whether something will work or not depends on whether your heart is in it or not."

What she said is so true. I think about how in order to get my motorbike license, I am willing to spend the money, the time, the traveling, the hassle of bringing my helmet around etc. in order to achieve that goal. Even despite failing a lesson 3 times, I will still try again until I clear that lesson! The truth is if you want something to succeed or happen badly, you will really give your everything to see it come to fruition. I compare it to another time when I just do what I am tasked to do simply because I am told to do it. The level of energy and excitement is totally different! And it can be pretty energy draining. I am convinced that whether my heart should be "in it" or not, it cannot be dictated simply by whether I like to do it or not. It has to be accompanied with whether God would be pleased with it or not. If God is pleased with it, shouldn't I be putting my heart and soul into it?

团圆饭

I still recall vividly last year during this time, a terrible quarrel occurred between my sister and my dad, and between my sis and myself over the grudges we felt with one another. And it just happened before we had our reunion dinner. It was a saddening thing for myself and especially so for my grandma. Yesterday, I thank God for still keeping the family together and we could still enjoy our reunion dinner for another year. I guess learning to love and care for my family members will continue to be something I would need to work really hard on. Things has been going well thus far and I pray that choosing to maintain the unity within the family would be of priority to me. If I can't do it now, how then can I love and care for my own family next time? May God help me in this area of my life.

Another thing that occurred yesterday was just before I went to bed, I suddenly felt super breathless. It's like my asthma came back again. I had to breath in real hard in order to take in the oxygen. I could not sleep for hours and had to position myself in a way that makes my breathing easier. I am still not sure what's the cause of it but I really thank God for sustaining my life. I could have just died yesterday but God was merciful to me. Reminds me to never never take my life, my health and my fitness for granted. Thank you God!

what are your eyes telling you?

"...so we keep looking at people through the eyes of hope..."

We often pass judgments on people, consciously or subconsciously. And I must confess that I am one of the culprits who do that often. A thought like "This guy, cannot make it one..." is just one of the conclusion I will come to based on my assessment of that person, especially within the ministry. As a result, I get myself frustrated and angry over what the other person did or did not do. No doubt certain issues are important to address, but I guess the problem with those judgments is when I only choose to focus on the weaknesses of that person, rather than take time to consider their strengths. That clouds the way I relate with that person. And that is not good. As a leader, I'll need to look further, beyond their short-comings, if I truly desire to see them grow as a person.

So rather than pull my hair (which is not a lot left liao...) over their weaknesses, may I learn to look at people with eyes of hope, even though it may seem all dark and gloomy at times, because I believe God can work miracles in the lives of people.

~leadership 101~

One of my prayer request for this month was for wisdom to lead the team I am currently in. And God sparked this truth in me this as I was reading 'Jesus Driven Ministry' (yes i am taking quite a long time to finish this book). In summary, Ajith Fernando links leadership very closely to parenting. There are roughly 3 stages when it comes to leadership.

Stage 1:
We protect and guard those we lead closely in the beginning in order to see them grow spiritually. We make sure we don't expose to unnecessary evil and spend a lot of time building their foundation using the Word of God. So there will be certain things we won't share with them, like conflicts we face within the church and work, difficult apologetic questions etc., until a suitable time.

Stage 2:
At this stage, we need to let go more and allow them to be more independent, to explore, try out and learn for themselves, with us providing the guidelines when necessary. By now, we cannot expect everything done our way or we will be seen as too rigid and a control freak. This is also a good time to learn from the young ones in the way they make decisions and do things.

Stage 3:
This is what I believe as the most ideal stage. It is when we are able to relate to those we lead as a friend. Friends talk more than just work. Friends share about life. Friends do things outside 'work'.
Friends enjoy each others company. And friends spur one another towards love and good deeds. No doubt there is still a need to lead, but the relationship at this stage will have more depth and bond.

Definitely one of the things I would need to put in more effort in doing is to spend time with my team outside "ministry". That means catching more movies with them, having meals with them, doing sports together, or even going M'sia for a short shopping trip with them! My prayer is also that this attitude would not just be for my team, but that conscious effort to reach Stage 3 will be what I aspire to do for my own children, If God is willing for me to have kids. But in the meantime, let me first think about the spiritual children I have under me. :)

life... how are you treating it?

Today can be considered a pretty mellow day... I first went to visit a Christian brother's father's wake in the afternoon. What was good was the opportunity to catch up with him but of cos it I feel for my brother's loss. As I prayed for him and his mum, I prayed for 2 main things. One is that the experience may be one where the mum may draw comfort from God and use this as an opportunity to comfort others who may be in the same predicament as her. Second was for the family to rejoice in the fact that their father is in a better place with God, enjoying the relationship He first made us for. These are prayers that I want to make for myself if I should lose a Christian family member/brother/sister in the future.

I then went to visit my grandma in hospital in the evening. When I see her lying on the bed, struggling to grasp her next breath, I can see the sense of lost-ness and helplessness in her eyes and it's heart wrenching. I have the good news but how do I say it? Haiz... I did contemplate praying with and for her there and then. But my own command of Chinese is so poor that I dun even know how to pray for my grandma! And this is one of those moments where having a bridge to life booklet or a gospel tool isn't going to help much. How then can I share relevantly to her? I will have to ask God for courage, wisdom and opportunity to share and pray with her from my own mouth...

No choice? It just means a choice made earlier...

When was the last time where you find yourself saying something like, "没办法的，there's nothing I can do about it now" and then you simply "resigned to fate"? I realized I have the tendency to use this excuse as a cover up for my own carelessness. But if I honestly trace back to what decisions were made before it led to a stage where there's "no return", it really all boils down to the earlier decisions I made that led to it.

God is good (though it's pretty hard for me to say this) to teach me thru a painful experience called TeenGames. After the brochures were printed, I was pretty happy to have at least one thing off my mind so that I can start worrying about other issues. But Lo and Behold, a fellow staff brought to my awareness that the website address that was printed on the brochure was not working! Turns out that there should not be a ".sg" behind the address! Arghh! But never mind, small issue. Just had to employ the help of my dear Project Servants to start striking off the ".sg" portion with a marker and the brochure still looks good. Then came the next shocker just 1 day after the ".sg" incident. Lo and Behold again, another colleague of mine came and verified with me the age categories that were listed in the brochures. And guess wat? No prize for the correct answer, but yup, the year listed for the different categories were 1 year off. Arghhh x2!! Still never mind, manageable issue. I just had to employ, once again, the dear help of my project servants to strike off the year and write down the correct year on the brochure. And I thot this would be the end of my worries. But Lo and Behold x3, this same colleague of mine came and verified with me the dates and location of the basketball competition and then I saw the mistake, again. This kinda did it. I was like, "God, why must this happen to me??" While I am still seeking a solution to this "mini" problem of mine but there were a few things I learnt/observed thru this experience.

Firstly is the fact that ALL this could have been avoided if I had put in a little bit more effort to check the design before sending it for print. A lot of assumptions were made and those were what killed me. I made a choice earlier, now it's back to bite me. Secondly is my sinfulness. When I heard about all those errors from my colleagues, my first reaction was like, "How come I send to the comm., the comm. didn't point out the mistakes to me?". This just illustrated man's tendency to want to protect himself and blames others in the process. Thirdly is how can I now then be accountable to God and the supporters for the money they have given for the work of evangelism? Because of my negligence, money is wasted in the process when it could have been used for a better purpose. For that, I feel lousy. And I am glad that I do feel lousy. Lest I become numb to my own faults and start pointing fingers at all directions except to myself. My conclusion: Be careful in what I choose to do or be prepared to face the consequences when it comes. Thank you God.

music is the language of the heart 6...

Leeland has now become one of my favorite Christian bands. Like their style of music and the words in their song ain't too bad. Here's one of my current favorite song. This song expresses the reality that though there are times where I disobey Him and take Him for granted, He still choose to love me and care for me. One day He will be coming, and I want to be prepared for Him.

Thief in the night
Great is Your love and Your faithfulness
It’s Your faithfulness that carries me
Many times I’ve run away
Forsook Your love and all Your grace
Still You call out my name
Yeah, You still care that I be saved

So I’ll sing the glories of Your name
Your awesomeness I will proclaim
Until You come, until You come and…

Take Your bride away
Like a thief in the night
Like a thief in the night
You’ll take us away

There is no one that can fill this void
Like You fill this void in my heart
My life is just a human one
But You pick me up and call me son
Speak, Lord, I am listening
Yes, Your child will serve faithfully

Like a thief in the night

"Test" everything!

20Do not despise prophecies, 21but test everything; hold fast what is good.

~ 1 Thess 5:20-21

Have you ever questioned your teachers (in school or during sermons) over what they teach or say to you? Not questioning because you are being cheeky or rebellious but because you are inquiring and learning? I was reminded again through today's sermon that I need to be constantly testing and thinking over the things that are being taught, especially when it comes to God's Word. There is this tendency that when it comes to people who are renowned (e.g. D.A Carson, Ajith Fernando, John Mac Author etc.) or I respect (leaders in SYFC and church), I tend to "agree" to everything they say. That's dangerous. Dangerous for the other person's growth and my own. Because when people dun question what we say, we may think we have it all covered and may fail to see certain aspects in the process. When we dun question what we hear, we are not thinking but blindly absorbing. And sometimes the things we absord may not be that good for us. So the best thing is to follow what the Word of God says, to test everything and hold fast to the good stuff.

"Excuse me, would you like to sign up for a credit card?"

Greed is a deadly thing. It can lead to jealousy, covetousness, dis-satisfaction and even murder in some cases. And the world is suffering it's effect. It's what we call the economic crisis. Because some (actually it's a lot) people choose to spend more than they are earning, there is a huge mountain of debt that is awaiting to be cleared. Why do people spend so much then? Because they are so confident that they will get their next paycheck, they would term such spending as spending "future money". But who can say for sure that they won't be retrenched or that they don't need the money to pay for bills when someone in the family falls ill? And from the little I heard so far, this debt the world has accumulated is not going to be cleared in a long long time...

Looking at this, I thank God for 2 things. One is that I dun earn a lot. That way, I can't spend a lot, cos I know my limitations. Second is I thank God that I personally don't like to owe people money (or favors). It makes me uncomfortable within. And it it probably this discomfort that God has placed within me that is safeguarding me from overspending. Nonetheless, I will have to watch my spending in view of the economic downturn. Can't be too confident I can get my next paycheck. Need to continue to trust that God will provide through the supporters.

How are you watching your spending? :)

My Friend

A poem which I remembered when one of my brother-in-Christ shared about the lost of his friend (only 14 years old) to an accident today.

My Friend

My friend, I stand in judgment now,
And feel that you’re to blame somehow
On earth I walked with you day by day,
And never did you point the way.

You knew the Lord in truth and glory,
But never did you tell the story,
My knowledge then was very dim;
You could have led me safe to him.

Though we lived together here on earth,
You never told me of the second birth,
And now I stand this day condemned,
Because you failed to mention him.

You taught me many things that’s true;
I called you friend and trusted you,
But I learn now, that it’s too late,
And you could have helped me from this fate.

We walked by day, and talked by night,
And yet you showed me not the light;
You let me live and love and die,
You knew I’d never live on high.

Yes I called you “friend” in life,
And trusted you through fun and strife.
And yet, on coming to this dreadful end,
I cannot, now, call you “my friend.”

-Author unknown

May this remind us that though stupid it may seem to the world when we preach Christ to them, it is better to be ostracized in this world than to live with regret when the Lord comes again.

responsibility or genuine concern?

It was rather interesting that over the past 2 weeks at 2 different occasions by 2 different individuals, I came across them making a statement that goes something along this line,

"... I am not sure if they are doing this (relating and getting to know that individual) out of responsibility (because I am a youth worker) or genuine concern, but I still thank God for them..."

This is something definitely worth watching out for. But I believe both RESPONSIBILITY & CONCERN work hand in hand. If you are just a responsible person, you will be insensitive. Because you have a "just want to get the job done" mentality, it will show in the kind of questions you ask, behavior towards the person, things you talk about with the person. If you are just a concerned person, you will be inconsistent and selective. Because whether you help the person or not depends on whether you "feel" the concern or not. If the feeling goes away, there goes your concern as well. And given our personality differences, we won't be able to "feel" for every individual we meet because there will be just some people we love to hate.

So if you ask me, you gotta have both and strike a balance between RESPONSIBILITY & CONCERN. The truth is that if we are able to determine in our minds to be responsible in showing concern to the other person, our hearts will be moved to "feel" for the person overtime. As the Chinese proverb goes "日久深情." Same thing with B/G relationships. Someone was sharing with me that when he first started off the relationship with his current wife, he started with a decision to love her, with "chemistry" or "feeling" aspect taking a much lesser priority for a simple reason. If it was based on feelings, what if one day the feeling goes away? Will he still be able to love her? What should spur us then even in pursuing a relationship with someone is the intelligent decision to love him/her for who she really is deep within, not just what our feelings tell us.
(P.S: I am speaking this for myself to remember. :) )

what are you thankful for in the year 2008?

A bit outdated, but looking back, here's SOME things I want to thank God for:

• For my sister! Who in providing for the family frees me to serve God full time with much less constraints.
• For my church! Which lives to see itself living as a true community for God.
• Allowing me to meet 75% of the resolutions that I set. (though many people say that resolutions remain as resolutions after they are set. haha)
• Allowing me to find a group of regular basketball khakis to play ball on Sunday mornings!
• For my ministry team, the growth seen in each individuals as they serve alongside with me
• For HG, who has grown in his own walk with God and passion to reach out people
• For CC, AL, AG, WX, MS who 并肩作战with me to get the ministry going!

There's plenty more, but these are probably the key events that has happened that I would really want to give God the glory for. :)